Tracey Marley

I once heard it said that you spend the first two years of a child’s life teaching them to walk and talk, and the rest of their life telling them to sit down and shut up… My babies were late walkers but early talkers. The first words, “Da, da” were followed by a constant chattering that eventually became a one-sided dialog that never ends.

Avery, my youngest, enters a room mouth first and doesn’t have a shy bone in his body. Much to my worry, he never meets a stranger, nor does he hesitate in blurting out exactly what’s on his mind. One morning before school, we were putting in a load of wash. When we came to the bras and underwear, he was full of questions. Instantly, in my mind’s eye, I could see him describing my intimate apparel to his teachers and classmates in vivid detail. “Avery,” I said, “there are some things we don’t talk about to others. Mommy’s underwear is one of them.”

I’m sure my son found something else just as fascinating to talk about that day (thus far, I haven’t gotten any snickers or weird looks from the preschool staff). But that is Avery. Always rambling about something. And when he doesn’t know a word for something, he makes one up. I know not to depend on him if I’m looking for complete accuracy.

Anna, on the other hand, doesn’t talk near as much. She probably figures she’ll never be heard with Avery in the room and therefore limits her comments for instructing her little brother on what he should and should not be doing. This always causes a fight meaning the noise in my house is a constant. It starts right after school and escalates until bedtime. Throughout the supper preparation, I’m usually found to be saying everything at least three times and to no avail.By the time my husband gets home, I’m yelling and don’t even realize it.

That’s why one morning last week, I rose early to snuggle on the couch with my Bible in the quiet stillness that says everyone is asleep. The Lord lead me to the book of Ecclesiastes, chapter 3, where I found the chapter titled, “A Time for Everything”. I had no more got started when I looked up to see fuzzy eyed Anna entering the room. I fought the disappointment of having my quiet time interrupted. She got under the blanket with me and I read through the chapter with her. We talked about some of the verses, and I asked her for life examples of what the verses described.

A time to be born was described as a time when you are young, a time to die was when you were old, a time to plant was in the spring, and a time to uproot was during the fall harvest. A time to love was all the time, and a time to hate, I described as hating evil and sin. We finished our study that morning, but days later, to my surprise, I heard her repeating the verses to her chattering brother. “Avery, there is a time to speak and a time to be silent. This is the time to be silent,” she said. Needless to say, I did a double-take. Not only did she remember our reading, she was applying the scripture.

Knowing how extremely frustrating I find it to speak without being heard, this verse combined with my child’s excessive need to be verbal, leads me to question how God feels about my “quite time” with Him. Often I’m the one who does all the talking. And often all I have to say is about me. Do I ever stop to listen to what it is He wants to say? What He’s already been saying that I’ve been too busy to really listen to? Many times He will put a scripture or person on my heart in a way that I’ll notice, but never do anything about.

Just this week, I felt a strong burden to call a friend. Something came up and I got distracted and never made the call. The next day she called me and I could hear it in her voice. She needed my undivided attention. Not an easy thing to find in my house, so I went to the bedroom where I hid beneath the covers and listened as she poured out her heart. There was a crisis occurring in her life that I had no idea about. The situation she found herself in was causing feelings of guilt, inadequacy, disappointment and fear—and she was reaching out to me. Immediately I felt I had to say something, yet words of wisdom seemed to allude me. “I don’t know what to say,” I replied. “It’s going to be okay. God is still in control.”

“I know. I don’t need you to say anything. I just need you to be there.” She was incredibly relived not by my words, but just to know I had listened. We talked some more and I did end up quoting Romans 8:28 as encouragement—not as a means to minimize her crisis with a “quick fix”, but to remind her of the things the Lord has already turned around for good in her life. She thanked me and later confessed that she clung to the verse all day.

I can’t say I was obedient to the Lord by being the one to make the call to my friend, but I feel like He worked it out in spite of me. So what is He saying to you? Is there something or someone He is repeatedly putting on your heart? A message you are to give to someone? Consider it a call to act, but only after you’ve taken the time to be silent and let Him speak what it is He wants you to say.

“There is…a time to be silent and a time to speak,” Ecclesiastes 3:1,7  NIV

Lately I’ve been witnessing what seems to be an explosion of the media regarding the topic of exercise, yet no matter how many ads I’ve read, commercials I’ve viewed, nor cellulite-reducing products I’ve bought, nothing has prepared me for what I experienced this weekend.

On the way home from Sophia Friday night, Chad and I decided to pop into one of our favorite pizza joints in Randleman. I had a cold, felt rotten and couldn’t have been less enthusiastic about coming home and preparing a nutritionally sound meal for my family—regardless of what All You magazine had to say about it. I wanted pizza and I wanted it hot, greasy and I wanted it immediately!

We piled into the booth at Sir Pizza, and as my husband reached for the menu, I realized that on the big screen TV behind him, they were airing All Star Workouts. I thought to myself, this is seriously messed up. A workout show is on? At a pizza restaurant? Ridiculous.

I looked around to the other booths and tables. I was the only one who seemed to notice the absurdity. I considered making a joke to the waitress, but seeing how she was a sized two teen, I decided to keep my mouth shut.

Throughout the wait, I could feel my marketing mind trying to take over. Eventually I gave in to analyzing the marketing strategy of what I thought was a gross oversight. I watched the silly smiles on the people working out in front of me. They looked so stupid. No one smiles like that when burning calories. They smile like that when they’re eating them!

My cheesy pepperoni pizza arrived and I proved my point. It was piping hot, delicious and puddled in grease (sounds disgusting, but come on, you’ve had one too, and loved it). I smiled ear to ear. A few slices later, I take a look at the woman on the second row in the show. She’s in really good shape. My thoughts digress from the pizza. I wish I had her backside. No cellulite whatsoever. And she’s smiling. She’s happy. I reach for another slice of pizza. Her legs look good too. That is so far from what my legs look like….I lick the grease off my fingers.

We finished off the entire pizza and my husband says, “Well, that was good! Are you ready?” I wiped my mouth, now staring adamantly at the screen and the sweating but smiling bodies displayed in high def. At this point I was actually doing the workout in my mind. “Yeah, just one more power crunch and I’m done.” Chad laughs and I feel the burn. “‘K. Let’s go,” I say.

I got up from the table feeling more tired than when I sat down. It dawned on me the feeling had more to do with eating an extra four pieces of pizza than I normally do instead of having just completed a mental workout. Suddenly, I’m ever so aware of the marketing strategy and how effective it is. I felt robbed. I came home and had a snack to comfort myself.

I considered turning to my copy of All You to see what it says about situations like this. Surely I’m a goner. (Ever notice how all the popular ladies magazines have the first half of their pages filled with clothing styles, hair ideas, and makeup suggestions while the back half is filled with delicious recipes? Yeah, me too, so I passed.)

I’m not saying Betty Crocker is the devil, but what are we thinking? I actually ate half a pizza while toning someone else’s thighs! The media is so good at making us believe. Half the time I don’t think we realize what it is we’re doing or considering doing until we’ve given way too much thought to the idea.

Satan is a master-mind at sculpting what it is we deem as truth. Just recently he’s tried to convince me that I should commit a sin that would not only destroy my testimony, my ministry, as well as wreck my entire family so that I could experience a new depth of Christ’s forgiveness and grace. Looking back, I find I’m appalled by his audacity to try to manipulate something as divine as grace.

I’m not ashamed to admit it. He was so crafty, he actually had me, a student of the Bible for almost thirty years, pondering something blatantly spoken against by the Scriptures. After a day or so of his ideas pounding in my brain, I asked my husband about the concept. “Do you think it’s the Lord’s will for Christians to willfully sin so that we can be humbled, forgiven, and restored… again? You know, as a reminder to appreciate all it is that Christ has done for us—like we did when we were first saved?”

Based on Romans chapter 7 alone, of course Chad’s answer was a resounding, “No”. For the sake of argument, I kept on. “Why not? If I indulge in something I know is wrong—grievously wrong, but tempting—surely I would experience a closer walk with the Lord when I had confessed the sin, repented, and experienced the cleansing power of forgiveness and restoration.” Then I realized I’ve already had that experience.

I might not have committed what the world would classify as terrible sins: murder, armed robbery, terrorism, but that doesn’t mean my sin didn’t play a part in nailing Christ to the cross. I didn’t need to knock off a bank or commit adultery to be guilty of something. I experienced a closer and more in depth walk with the Lord the day I realized my sin was sin and repented of it. Period. The lie was a trap.

I feel God’s grace when I lose my temper and yell at the kids. I feel it when I fall asleep without reading my Bible. I feel it when I envy having other women’s shapes and do bad things to my body like eating greasy pizza to make up for the fact that I don’t have perfect thighs. I feel God’s grace when I say I’m sorry—and mean it.

Unfortunately if we’re not careful, Satan can blind Christians to what it is Christ does for us on a daily basis. He was hoping for a big and public stumble in my case, which he then would’ve used as crippling evidence for the rest of my life. The devil is so good at playing both sides of the fence! We have to be vigilantly careful to watch what it is we let our minds dwell on. If truth is the antidote for Satan’s lies, then the Word of God is a pharmacy.

After being tested for forty days in the wilderness, Scripture in Luke tells us that Christ was hungry and Satan tempted him. Just thinking about the extremity of Christ’s hunger makes my mouth water. I can almost see the neon lights of a Sir Pizza sign flashing across the desert. “If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread,” Satan said. Yet Christ’s words to Satan were not, “One extra large pepperoni coming right up!” They were, “Man does not live on bread alone.” How tempted Jesus must have been to not only relieve his physical need but in the process prove who He was! He was starving, yet prioritized His Father’s spiritual agenda over His physical one.

If Christ would’ve turned the stones into bread as Satan suggested, a lot more would’ve gone down than just a meal. By taking the bait of pride, Jesus would’ve bought into the lie that it’s all about us as humans. The decision would have changed the course by which we receive salvation. Thank God He didn’t!

I don’t know about you, but the longer I live, the more I discover it’s not about me. In fact, it has very little to do with me. Whether or not we admit it, in reality it’s all about Him. My advice is to watch what it is you find yourself dining on and trying to digest. Self indulgence makes for terrible heart burn.

I am so excited to finally be back working on Forgiveness for Yesterday, book two in the series. It’s funny how God uses real life circumstances to help me tie a story together. The entire time I’ve been writing, I’ve felt my attention particularly drawn to the topic of pride, a major theme in this book. Just last week my Bible studies brought me to the fourth chapter of Daniel where I studied the lesson King Nebuchadnezzar learned regarding this peculiar evil. King Neb was sitting high and mighty on the palace throne of the greatest kingdom on earth, Babylon, thinking me, me, me and yet the Lord still managed to bring him so low  he was completely humiliated and remained that way for seven years. Seven years! I praise God not all of my life lessons and punishments have lasted that long!

I, like everyone else, have at one time or another experienced the intoxication of this sin in my life. It creeps in undetected and smelling as sweet as honey. The problem is, before long we’re so indulged with ourselves we can hardly breathe! Mercifully the Lord has always been quick to convict my heart and clear the air before I start to stink. I have, however, learned a thing or two during my seasons of self righteousness.

One, pride is quick to blind and two, it’s sure to bind.

Pride is an evil that blinds us to our own faults and shortcomings while redirecting our sight so that we may find fault in others. It’s excellent at creating justifications, exceptions and excuses that lure as well as producing criticisms, judgments and foolishness that harbor. There is no sin quite like it. Once we are blinded by our glorious state of self righteousness, we are more apt to hold to our stubborn opinions and concepts, never admitting a mistake nor forgiving a wrong. It’s a trap—a carefully baited and comfortable trap, but still a trap. Oh that we may have a careful eye to watch and guard ourselves against it!

Scripture tells us in Proverbs 16:18 that, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” That was certainly Nebuchadnezzar’s case. Can you image a higher distance from which to fall? Surrounded by opulent wealth and power, surely there wasn’t an insecurity in his mind! Or was there? I’m still pondering the relationship between pride and insecurity. At first the pair seem to have very little if no relationship at all but the more I study, the more I find a deep and embedded connection between the two. Often, I find mustering up a little pride goes a long way in dealing with my insecurities. I guess my question now would be, is there a balance? What part do our insecurities play in keeping us humble? I’m sure there is more to this line of thinking, and something tells me the Lord will reveal it as I work my way through the situations happening with Bret, Karen, Chris, Amanda, and Laurie. Yes, Laurie makes an appearance in book two. I can’t wait for you to meet her!

Till then, please pray diligently with me that the Lord will bring all the details for this story together like only He can. I love this stage of the process! It’s like pulling the cord on a mini blind and watching everything come together and work as one.

All my blessings, Tracey

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? … You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”" Matthew 7:3 and 5 NIV

I recently had the pleasure of speaking with the Chapter Chicks book club in Greensboro, NC. It was my first appearance at a book club and I was really surprised at how much fun it was. I got to meet some really nice women and answer some really good questions. It was interesting to hear their feedback, especially regarding the characters. When I left, I was graciously presented with a gorgeous bouquet of roses; more than I’ve ever received before. There had to be at least 18 and they were so beautiful, they almost looked too good to be true.

Once I got home, I showed them off to my husband and then prominently displayed them on my bedroom dresser. As the days passed, the roses went from slightly open buds to full open flowers then continued to age until they were starting to droop. Whatever stage they were in, I found that the longer they stayed on the dresser the more I was drawn to their presence. It wasn’t so much for their beauty, but more so because of what they represented. To me the roses represented a group of women who had bestowed on me the blessing of fulfillment. They were lives that I had somehow touched because God gifted me with a story and they were willing to read it.

I thought about that as one day I stopped to study what was quickly becoming a withered mass. I pulled open a rose to gently finger its petals. I was surprised to find that although fine lines and rust had appeared along the edges making them appear like skin, the part closer to the base was still a bright silky red and was smooth like silk. Somehow the variation made them even more interesting because to me, because of what they represented, they were still beautiful.

Eventually the roses had to go. I selected a few petals to dry as a keepsake but I can’t really say they are forgotten. It wasn’t until just this week that I made a connection to what I had marveled at with their aging to some of the things the women had brought up during conversation the night I was at their club. We talked in detail about the characters, the situations they were in and what the ladies liked and disliked about each one. Naturally Bret was a favorite. I can still hear the collective sigh that drifted from the group when his name was mentioned. He truly is too good to be true. In hearing others examine him, I realize the building of who he is didn’t come with just one or two personality traits.

The fact that Bret is extremely handsome, drives an expensive car, and is lavish in his gifts makes him very likeable on the surface, but it doesn’t make up the inner qualities I like best in him. It’s his heart and how it branches out into not only his thoughts but also his actions. The response he has to Scott when Scott asks him to pray, the way he is concerned about winning Holly’s favor. Even the jealousy he feels when he feels like Chris is encroaching on his relationship with Karen. It’s the small things that make him feel real. Just like the lines in the roses, the details in his character became more pronounced as the story unfolded and it lent him a certain depth.

I don’t think this is true for only Bret, but for all the characters. It was a real study in human nature to write them so complex. I am thrilled that my readers picked up on some of the finer details—some good, some bad—that were subtly written into the characters. I love it when readers are specific.

I smile as I consider how real people are much the same. The trials and test we endure may give us a few imperfections that others will stop and stare at instead of admire. Nevertheless, ultimately it’s those trials and time that will draw out the details and fine lines in who we are.

So, my question to you and to myself is are your lines showing? Do the people you encounter see only the perfection you want them to see or do you let them see deeper? Or, do we miss the beauty in others and what can be found in difficult situations simply because we can’t see past the lines on the surface and down to the heart of a matter where things are still rather silky and smooth? Today I am making it a priority to stop and admire the roses God has planted in my life. I hope you will too.

“…The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7 NIV

A couple of weeks ago my two children were out in the yard playing. The leaves are starting to fall here in central North Carolina and because we were trying to indulge in the last few days of summer, I joined them. Hide-and-Go-Seek is always a favorite and soon I was assigned the task of counting to seven while the kids ran and hid.

“…five…six…seven. Ready or not! Here I come,” I called. Because we live close to the highway, of course I was peeking. I stifled a chuckle when I watched Anna, my oldest, drop to her knees on the count of seven and shut her eyes. She was in the middle of the front yard! She continued to squeeze her eyes shut as she remained completely still in the wide-open area. In her mind, if she couldn’t see me, I couldn’t see her.

I laughed, tagged her and ran back to base. Kids! I thought. They can be so funny! And then she did it again. This time she held up leaf in front of her face to disguise her presence. “Anna! You’re not hiding. I can see you!” And with those words, God spoke to my heart.

1 Peter 5:8 in the NIV reads, “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” What my five-year-old was doing to hide herself from sight is very much like what I sometimes do to protect myself from the devil who is really a roaring lion looking to devour me. Sometimes the protection I’m willing to put on is inadequate at best.

How many times do I lift up a half-felt prayer in the morning to protect myself from evil during the day? And how many mornings do I simply glaze over a few verses of scripture expecting them to nourish my soul with wisdom and insight? Sadly the answer is too often.

Since that day in the yard, I’ve started thinking a lot about some of the things I experience when I’m working on a book. Either right before or right after I write, I tend to sense a heightened spiritual attack on my mind. It’s like the devil works his hardest to distract me.

Temptation, depression, anxiety, stress and doubt often assault me. But while I’m writing…it’s different. When I’m actively pulling things together to develop a plot, I can feel the Lord’s presence all over me. For me, actually writing the story is like undergoing a spiritual high. Scriptures come together, things connect and make sense. The Lord is able to show me things that I just can’t seem to get in other ways. Nothing speaks to my heart like when I write something, move on to the next chapter and then days later come back and see how the Lord is drawing the story together as a whole.

That may sound strange but a lot of what I write really comes off the top of my head. With Promise for Tomorrow, there was no grand outline and certainly very little forethought. I simply sat down and started typing what little I knew and that was what I had dreamt that morning.

When I finished, stepped back and looked at the character struggles and themes and how they came together and could be consistently carried out with just a little tweaking, I marveled at what God had done. It was under the Lord’s provision that the book came to be and I accredit Him for its early success.

Now that I am in the process of writing book two, I’m starting to realize the value of that method of blind writing. Now that I know what to expect in the publishing process and some of the things that go into a story to make it a good story, it’s easier to get sidetracked with the details. While I can’t say that my writing method is exactly the same as it was when I started Promise for Tomorrow, now I realize how much Satan wants to counteract my progress at all costs.

Forgiveness for Yesterday, book two in the series, takes a serious look at pride, rebellion, lies, lust and the destruction of harboring hate in our hearts. In other words, it exposes some of the tools Satan uses to keep us bound and oppressed. While I don’t want to give anything away, I will say that the truths revealed in book two give the reader the knowledge on how to overcome some very popular strongholds. I know with all my heart that Satan strongly opposes this exposure, and therefore I am in deep prayer over the best way to deliver God’s message of redemption through the characters and the situations they will face.

But the devil is on the prowl. That is why I not only ask for your prayers as I continue to work on book two, but that you, like me, will ask yourself if you are really in hiding. Are you really putting on the armor described in Ephesians 6 that is needed to guard yourself against what is a very real and powerful enemy? Are you guarded against the one whose desire it is to destroy? I hope so because I believe it is essential if we are to walk in the abundance of life that Christ promised.

If not, I encourage you to seek after the Lord with your whole heart, soul and mind and for you to guard yourselves against the schemes and trickery of the devil with God’s Holy Word so that when the devil does come looking, you will be completely hidden and safe in the arms of Christ.

Till next time,

Tracey

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” Ephesians 6:12 NIV.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” John 10:10 NIV.